2014 Jan 2nd

A new year, a new start!  I decided that this year I am going to work at being more positive.  Lately, I have been a miserable, negative person to be around, in fact, it is so bad, I do not even want to be around myself!
Today was Dr.Rand day, he is my doctor here in Reno, Nevada.  I am blessed with the best doctor in the world.  He cares, takes time to listen to me, makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world!  He has therapy dogs in the office that you can cuddle and hug to make you feel better.  Being sick, like I am, this holistic approach to medicine is the only way to go.  My last doctor, in another state, would only stand at the door, made me feel like a leper, and kept telling me how expensive the treatment was, and that I could wait.  The reality was I had been fired from my job, didn't have the money and he didn't want to treat me.  I could not wait as it was already to late, I had cirrhosis when I started.  Seeing that doctor was the second worst experience of my life, the first was the job I was at there.  The boss, his wife and one of his staff did not like me and made it "hell" working there, making fun of me, telling me I had a lazy mind because I would forget, telling me, almost everyday, that he (the boss) had hired me, he could fire me.  It was the worst experience of my life.  Not only was all this crazy stuff going on with my body and mind, which I was afraid I was losing, but then I had to go there and put up with the comments, dirty looks, negative body language, and get off work everyday in tears, not till I got in the car though.

Why am I telling you this?  You might be going through a similar situation or have gone through one, the hep nurse said this was very common, and I want you all to know, you are not alone.  I had two friends, one on line, Cathy, and one in that town, Barbara, that saved me from jumping.  They were always there for hugs, laughs, tears and I shall always, for the rest of my life, love them and be thankful for them.  If you are in a situation like this or know someone who is, reach out.  It will save sanity and human dignity.

"When I die, please don't let it be announced on Twitter. (That's what Facebook is for)"
 Thomas Lennon  (tweet)

I found the above and laughed.  During those dark days, my friends introduced me to Facebook and the Sims.   I loved gaming but going on Facebook was different.  I chatted with and played games with a lot of people, from all over, and just going there everyday, became a light for me.  I would love, goof around, enjoy the simple games and loved reading the comments and look at the posts.  Some people are so talented, they post beautiful pictures that inspire and lift you up.  I hear so many negative comments about Facebook nowadays, but honestly, Facebook and the "friends" I had were also a life saver, for me.

I guess what I am saying is you have to find anything that you can to help keep your sanity.  It is okay to escape from the reality of your painful, dying body, in fact, it is healthy. 

                                 ""A question that sometimes
                                            drives me hazy: am I or are
                                                       the others crazy?""

                                                       Albert Einstein 

I am tired and I have to check the clinical trial and something called "pickle" which is additional financial help for people on disability.  But, not today, tomorrow or Monday, today, I am done.  My cats and I are going to sleep and dream sweet dreams of horses, white, sandy beaches, salt air crisp and clean and life, as it was.

Hugs and Good-Night